Moving to Medium

So, I will be mostly writing on Medium, although I may be making irregular posts here. So, if you're interested in following me, you can do so there. The reason I'm switching is that I like Medium's model and format.

Here is my GoT satirical piece. It's slightly different, but I'm including it so you can follow me if you wish. https://medium.com/@charlesrobertrodriguez/game-of-thrones-is-bigoted-trash-640a28f6e9a9

Thanks!

-Charles Fulano Hidalgo y Rodriguez

Remembering Gawker: A Family's Tragedy

By Kelly Stormcloud

The clouds grew cold and grey. Rain pours continually. A single woman watches as her eldest is laid to rest. Her other children are the only others in attendance. Gawker, a pretentious young  dickish twat who terrorized New York City with his unquenchable thirst for dirt and gossip is dead. As the dirt covers his final resting place, I think of how an individual -particularly one as young as Gawker- could become a paragon of fear and hatred not just for a city, but an entire nation.

Seeing his crying mother, I am reminded that he was someone's child. Another child murdered in a hit and run; another casualty in the never ending street war. He had just begun recovering from serious wounds he suffered in a bar fight with a much larger man, when he stepped out of the hospital and was gunned down. The assailant(s) were long gone by the time the first responders showed up. He was pronounced dead on the scene.

Some witnesses claim the assailants screamed “rerererere” while others say the attackers yelled “¡Viva Vivian James!”, referring to the clandestine terrorist queen who had won loyalty of not just the most violent, racist street gang -GamerGate- but also the Aryan brotherhood, MS-13, and ISIS. Another onlooker rebuffed the claims and argued there was one assailant who calmly but clearly stated, “Peter Thiel sends his regards.” Whatever the truth, this is certain: Gawker had no shortage of enemies. Everyone in the city had a motive and half of them would've killed the bastard if given the chance.

Gawker is survived by his mother, and his siblings: Deadspin, Lifehacker, Gizmodo, Jalopnik, Jezebel, and Kotaku. Rumors have it his mother intends to marry a swarthy Mexican man with a large bank account. I watch them now from the window, raising my camera to take photos of them making love on her dead son's bed. Gawker would have it no other way...

12 month Bostonian Fears He'll Never See Another Patriots Superbowl

by Jed Adamson

Tom Jorgensen, a 12 month Bostonian fears that he will not see another Patriots Superbowl in his lifetime. When asked about his concern he replied, “Tom Brady may retire or be injured at any time. Although I trust Bill Belichick, part of me is concerned that Tom Brady is the main cause behind the success at the Patriots.”

Tom pauses in mid-thought, his hands closing into a clenched fist. The child stares blankly at the tv from his high rise, “Being 12 months old I don’t recall the last Superbowl, and I am afraid that if Tom Brady loses I may not see him or the New England Patriots compete for a Superbowl for perhaps another two or three years. By then I’ll practically be a different person.”

One can only hope that Tom Jorgensen does not see another Patriots Superbowl Win for at least 2 or 3 more years.

Chicago Mayor Willing to Pardon Masked Vigilantes

By Jed Adamson

In a bid to reduce crime, Rahm Emanuel has announced that he is “willing to pardon any individuals who assault and capture criminals while wearing masks.” Looking seriously into the camera he states, “this policy applies equally to wealthy individuals who could afford a Deus ex-machina belt and those who are hiding unnatural latent super-powers.” Briefly pausing to cough, he continues, “as a further incentive, we are willing to overlook damage to public and private property.”

The statement was met with warm responses, except for one Golgoth Mortarion: a bald billionaire with a menacing laugh, a sinister smile, a penchant for wearing all black, and speaking in either puns or ominous overtones.

The Ten Commandments of the Confederate Gamer People's Republic of the United States of the World, upon which our liberty is dedicated:

By Che Harambe

The Ten Commandments of the Confederate Gamer People's Republic of the United States of the World, upon which our liberty is dedicated:

1.    Thou shall meme.

2.    Thou shall not make for thyself an ideology in the form of anything that hates upon gamers. Nor shall thy cat, nor thy dog, nor thy bestie, nor thy hubby, nor thy wifey, nor thy totally not made up girl and/or boyfriend.

3.    Thou shall not slander thy Lord Kek.

4.    Remember the holidays, to keep them holy.

5.    Honor thy memes that they may be a shield and a sword against the normies.

6.    Thou shall not swat.

7.    Thou shall not pirate.

8.    Thou shall not buy loot-boxes or pre-order.

9.    Thou shall not give false reviews nor shall thou fail to mention conflicts of interest.

10. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's game, wifu, or system.

#TheEndsJustifiestheMemes

The Confederate Gamer People's Republic of the United States of the World

By Che Harambe

Attention comrades! The Confederate Gamer's People's Republic of the United States of the World needs your help to defeat the carpet bagger bourgeoise! As you know, the Yankee global plutocrats are attempting to stifle the internet as well as force loot boxes on us! THIS IS A SIN WE MUST NOT FORGIVE! WE MUST RISE UP AGAINST THE OPPRESSORS!!!! THE GAMERS MUST MEME AGAIN!!!! REERERERERERERERERERERERERERERERERERERERERERE!!!!!!!!! #TheEndsJustifiestheMemes


By the way... Flag 1?

or Flag 2?

I'm leaning towards Flag 1...

Here's the store I just launched...

https://shop.spreadshirt.com/ConfederatePeoplesGamerRepublic/?noCache=true

-Che Harambe Out

Memes Against Nazis

I will write some more this week, but my schedule is quite hectic at the moment, so I haven't been able to write as much as I wanted. Most of these are anti-Nazi memes just as in the previous post most were anti-Antifa. Hope you enjoy them, and feel free to use them as much as you would like.

This meme was made with Diversity and Comics in mind. I am a left-leaning individual unlike Diversity, and when I first heard about this man I believed that he was actually a member of the alt-right. I was listening to him to prepare counter-arguments. Then I realized I was wrong about his being a Nazi. This is apparent in his agreement with the statement that the alt-right "saving comics is like Russia "saving" Poland from Fascist Germany," (53:44). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyBmzrGfV8o&t=5594s. 

This is just one example, but there are several others in which it is evident that he is not in the Neo-Nazi camp, merely that he disagrees with the left. Sure, I may not see eye to eye with him on a number of issues, but I think it is important to realize who is actually a Nazi and who isn't. Although I didn't join Antifa, (it helps I didn't live in a state that is Conservative so I'm the most left-wing of my friends). I did, however, patrol YouTube, Yahoo, and Facebook comments and wrongly used social media to label people I didn't like as Nazis. I mocked the concerns of Trump voters and wrongly labeled them to justify my disdain for them. I may not have participated in actual violence, but a part of me wonders if I accidentally galvanized a few individuals who in turn mistakenly hurt someone who they thought was a Nazi, but wasn't. Regardless, I did participate in the online onslaught of Trump and his people, so I carry some of the guilt.

I don't regret actual Nazis potentially being punched as a consequence to what I've said, but I've come to realize that censoring and street fighting actual Nazis only benefits them. Nearly a century ago, the Nazis used street fighting as an excuse to form a paramilitary and to eventually take over the country. Today, they use it to try to shape the narrative in a way that makes them more appealing to moderates. That is why we must not play into their hands, and to use our speech to expose them for what they truly are. 

-Charles Rodriguez

In the Memory of MLK Jr

Readers:

I'm not a fan of fanatics and in honor of Martin Luther King Jr Day I made these memes. Today, I went mostly after Antifa because they are antithetical to what MLK Jr stands for. So is the alt-right, but they don't pretend to share his values. Don't worry, I'm not going to stop messing with them too. As a Latino they both piss me off...

I'm most proud of this one:

Here are some other ones I did for fun. Enjoy!

This one has nothing to do with it. It's just my ADHD coming through.

How should I react to the most recent mass murder?

By Charles Rodriguez

Sometimes, I have a hard time sorting through my complex feelings when another unthinkable, unimaginable national tragedy occurs. For those of you who are like me, good news! I've created a flowchart to help you navigate those complex feelings! This guide is a surefire way to ensure that you say and feel all the right things.

Roger Goodell Believes that Babe Ruth is the Best Footballer of All Time

by Jed Adamson & Kelly Stormcloud

By Omunene

Roger Goodell smiles regally as he ponders the deep philosophical question proposed to him. His wizened eyes reveal a mind lost in thought. When he finally comes to the answer he states, “without a doubt the best footballer of all time -who also is my favorite- is Babe Ruth. The way he tossed that home-run to Muhammad Ali on the Drive while being sacked by Merlin Olsen and Mike Tyson was phenomenal. There was no center who played better than him except for Pelé or maybe Tiger Woods. That is why he has a candybar named after him, since no other Football player has been as accomplished.”

Smiling professionally Goodell warmly reminding us all of why he is widely beloved by fans. He goes on to say, “Michael Jordan is a close second for me, I mean he helped bring home several championships for the Chicago Cubs with the help of his wingman Jim McMahon and goalie Sergei Fedorov. That is why it’s so hard to choose, but without a doubt Babe Ruth rides the goat.”

More than any other commissioner in the history of Football, Roger Goodell deserved that contract extension. His deep understanding of the game, the culture, and his impeccable record makes him the most prepared NFL commissioner of all time. It is no wonder that he has stolen the hearts of reporters, athletes, and fans everywhere.

Please, Kill the Mockingbird!

Please, Kill the Mockingbird!

By Kelly Stormcloud

Although hailed as a great classic in American Literature, one must ask if To Kill a Mockingbird truly belongs there. Harper Lee attempts to show Atticus Finch as a heroic character who stands up for a minority character. This premise is promising, but the story fails to deliver. This is because Atticus Finch is both a cis-man and white in the whitest of all careers: lawyering. Consequently, this story’s true emphasis is not on minority rights or plights, rather it zeroes in on the terrible narrative of the Great White Cis-Male Savior.

Harper Lee not only fails his audience in this aspect but also in the plot of the story. Not only is it slow and lacks any memorable scenes, it also is missing any LGBTQ+ characters, and makes no references to any Latinx people. As a result, the plot does not have enough diversity, so, therefore, is lacking in every way. It is an easy fix, as Atticus is a widowed man, so any future renditions of this book in a film should portray him as either a closeted bi-sexual or homosexual trans man who adopted Scout and Jem. Furthermore, the children should be different ethnicities and it would bring so much more to the story without changing its true dynamics in the slightest. Scout should be half Latinx and half Black, while Jem should be a gay Chinese boy who was kicked out of his country for his orientation before arriving in the much more welcoming 1930s America.

To Kill a Mockingbird’s greatest weakness is its use of female characters. The story would’ve been better if Harper Lee had dedicated a chapter or two to the romantic intimacy between Mayella Radley and Tom Robinson, and even better if it was emphasized throughout the entire book. Unfortunately, Harper Lee did neither, and instead committed the most EGREGIOUS SIN in American Literature.  Mr. Lee may have implied that the romantic interest was mutual- and it would’ve been better if it was- however Mayella Radley was brutally raped and beaten by the aggressive mega-predator known as Tom Robinson. She claimed that she was set upon against her will, and yet the mansplaining author implies that she may have been the instigator of her rape. Worst of all, MRA Harper Lee portrays Ms. Radley in such way as to suggest that she could have been lying about the nature of her brutal sadistic encounter with Tom Robinson. I do not understand how we can feel sympathy for Nazi sympathizer Mr. Atticus Finch who defends this monster. Thankfully, white supremacist Atticus fails spectacularly in court in his bid to defend a rightfully maligned and despised sexual predator. Despite the best efforts of the town to peacefully help Atticus to see reason, he remained stuck in his alt-right white cis-male ways and continued to defend Mr. Robinson despite the public outcry. The story fails female characters in not just this way, additionally, it ignores the potential of Scout. Scout and the story would be way more interesting if Scout was older and also was in love with Mr. Robinson. In this better version of the book, Tom Robinson truly loved her Brother Jem despite his separate secret affairs with Mayella and Scout. Unfortunately, Tom was forced to marry Mrs. Robinson who used voodoo to control his actions during daylight hours. If Harper Lee followed my suggestions, this book would've been an instant classic and reached a whole new level of literary achievement.

In conclusion, if you are truly a Feminist that value women’s rights, you will be glad to hear that Mr. Robinson did not get away with his uncontrollable raping cis-male urges. While attempting to illegally escape prison, he was shot, just like every one of those God-awful irritating mockingbirds should be. Can't they ever give it a rest??! No, they cannot, which is why all mockingbirds should be shot. The book is a bore, and I honestly couldn’t read past that last part, which is ok because it was bigoted white cis-male trash and I already wasted too much time reading this “classic” of American Literature. One day, America will move past its most horrendous legacies, however, I doubt it could ever remove the stain that is To Kill a Mockingbird.

PS: Film executives, I will write a brand new, better plot for To Kill a Mockingbird if you give me a chance. It's a 10,000 page Twilight fan fiction transcript that would work perfectly.

Jurassic Park is Sexist

Jurassic Park is Sexist

By Jed Adamson

In the horrendous film that has not held up to time, Jurassic Park demonstrates beyond a doubt that Hollywood is hellbent on wiping out all men from off the face of the planet. This thesis is clearly demonstrated in the scene where Ian Malcolm says: “God creates dinosaurs, God destroys Dinosaurs. God creates Man, man destroys God.” Ian, a beta male, permits his white knight self to be interrupted by the SJW Dr. Sattler who goes on to say “woman inherits the Earth.”[1] Thus, the film's thesis actively seeks the destruction of the male gender and is unapologetic in its feelings on the matter.

If the horrible bias was only this scene, it would be the worst act ever committed against mankind, both World Wars pales in comparison to this scene’s horrific suggestion that men might be wiped out because of their own inability to comprehend science, which we are generally better at.[2]

The extreme bias of Jurassic Park does not end here. No, throughout the movies approximately 54 male humans are killed, and only 1 female human dies. If we include dino deaths and animals, the number of female deaths increase to about 19. Even factoring in animals and dinosaurs, men die at a rate of 2.84 to 1. Otherwise, it is 54:1.[3] That is INSANE.

Why doesn’t Jurassic Park be more of an equal opportunist and kill more women like other thrillers? Simple, they hate men and promote male genocide, specifically white male genocide from their half-Jewish half-Muslim mammon worshipping Hollywood overlords.[4]

More insidiously, not a single dinosaur is made a male naturally but transforms them via weird pseudoscience. Teaching children that gender is fluid is a threat to our culture, even when based on the DNA of frogs that God created as well as the DNA extracted from God's other creations that sucked the blood of Dinosaurs and were then frozen in amber according to his will.

Thus, this film teaches children that transitioning is normal, that all men are doomed and deserve to die, and promotes a weird Freudian fantasy of female and trans male dinosaurs literally devouring men at a ratio of 54:1. I wish I was making this up, but it is true. How pathetic has this world become?

Therefore, Jurassic Park is a sexist travesty that must be stopped at all costs. It eclipses all other dangers to our sons: war, gang violence, or even suicide. If you don’t agree with me, you are a part of the problem. Also, you’re a bigot who is literally worse than Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Osama bin Laden.

---

[1] Rotten Tomatoes, Jurassic Park Quotes,  https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/jurassic_park/quotes/, 2017.

[2] I read that somewhere.

[3] Horror Wiki, Lists of Deaths in Jurassic Park Series, http://horror.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_deaths_in_Jurassic_Park_series, 2017.

[4] Alex Jones, InfoWars YouTube Channel, 2017.